By Arthur Anderson
June 5, 2025
When my oldest son was five months old, I was a single dad and a college dropout fresh out of rehab. When I went to a shelter for housing until I could find us an apartment, they told me they didn’t take dads with kids. Either I could stay, or the baby could. We were a package deal, so I said no way and stayed with family until we could get our own place.
I’m not the first Black father to face challenges like this, and I know I won’t be the last. Because people in my community cared about my struggles, I was able to connect with a peer support group for Black fathers. What I’ve experienced since then shows that when Black fathers show up for each other, it can help dads thrive as parents and make things better for future generations.
A few years ago, I was fortunate to connect with an organization called Brightpoint, which was starting a Thriving Fathers and Families program. I was proud to be the first dad in their group. They had someone to facilitate the group and work with us one-on-one, but the real work was us dads working with each other. We held each other accountable and set the standard for how to be there for each other and open up and be real. Not just real, but vulnerable. Because sometimes fathers need to know that their pride won’t be displaced if they become vulnerable.
I learned that when we expose ourselves to vulnerability, we also make ourselves stronger. And power doesn’t have to be rough. Power can be smooth, too. We just need to learn our own power and then bring it out more.
Black fathers have so much to pass down, like integrity, sharing and how to be there for the low points and the high points. Everybody comes around when it’s a party or a good time, but who’s going to stick with you when you’re going through it and you don’t want to look up, let alone get up? Being vulnerable, honest and holding each other accountable gives us fathers the strength to keep getting up.
Based on my experience and the experience of other Black fathers brought together in research focus groups by Brightpoint, here are three ways to support us:
- Invite us into places where mothers and children are welcome, like shelters, classrooms and community centers. Fathers need the same things as mothers, like respect, encouragement and an occasional pat on the back. I think Black dads can sometimes feel like we’re at a disadvantage in society, and we do have to learn how to feel like we belong within ourselves first. But if society can also make us feel like we belong, that’s even better.
- Include activities fathers and their kids can do together. Offer dads the chance to do positive stuff with their kids, whether that’s a father-daughter dance or arts and crafts. If dads are encouraged to join in, they will show up to have that experience of enjoying time with their kids. We want our kids to know that we want to be with them. We need the opportunities to show them this is true.
- Offer programs where Black fathers can help other Black fathers show up and learn how to be all they can be. Brightpoint put out a research report that backs this up, called Stronger Together: How Peer Groups for Black Fathers Help Them Thrive. One Black father helping another sets an example and gives other dads something to aspire to. Recruit fathers early and open your doors to parenting groups no matter their age or situation.
Black fathers have been through so much adversity and we’re still here, wanting to be good dads. It took a lot of trial and error for me to become the dad and grandfather that I am today, and I know I didn’t get here alone. Other fathers listening to me, holding me accountable and lifting me up didn’t just help me, it is helping the next and future generations of my family. Imagine how many other fathers and future generations we can help by calling dads in.
Arthur Anderson is a member of the Board of Trustees of Brightpoint, an Illinois child and family service organization working to minimize the need for foster care. He is also the co-chair of the Statewide Parent Advisory Council of the Illinois Department of Children and Family Services (DCFS) and chair of DCFS’s Cook County Birth Parent Council. Arthur is also very proud to now be cancer-free.
> Watch Arthur Anderson on WTTW’s Chicago Tonight: Black Voices! Tune in at 16:20!